Bitter ex-Patriotism?

I was proud of myself yesterday at the concert.  I was kind of anticipating some kind of bitter meltdown amidst all the rah-rah patriotism.  It only happened once for a few seconds during a verse of "America the Beautiful," which we never practiced before the performance. 

"Thine alabaster cities gleam undimmed by human tears!" was the line that led to my brief cynicism attack.  I think the original intent was that America was a paradise of freedom glowing bright to those who were coming from less fortunate circumstances and crying for joy at reaching it, etc. 

When I sang it last night, I teared up in frustration while my little voice o' cynicism snorted and said, "Yep, America the Bureaucracy don't give a darn about your tears. Tears don't affect it at all.  Tears mean nothing to it.  It doesn't care how many tears it causes you.  It just goes on gleaming smugly, knowing that the sheen of tears in your eyes gives it that extra little glow as you glare at it  . . .  Mutter mutter grumble growl."

Like I said, I was kind of proud of myself that it only reared its ugly head once. :-\

In fact, today the song I have been singing most from the concert was unexpectedly "Ah, My Homeland," which is the English translation of an Italian song from an opera, and I would tell you which one except that I can't remember, and I can't remember what I did with my program . . .  Anyway, it's a song the Israelites sing in exile, reminiscing about the land they loved that is possibly forever out of their grasp. 

I guess it reminds me of how much I really did love this country.  Maybe they're right that you can only get this bitter against something if you really loved it and it betrayed you.  Even if I know it only betrayed my too-high expectations, it still hurts.  I just wish I were a better person than this.  I don't have time or energy to waste on being bitter.  I'd rather spend it making a song ring with sadness and conviction, but maybe I couldn't make the music as convincing if I didn't have the experience of pain. 

"Oh, our spirits cry out to Jehovah, 'Hear our song! Hear our cry! Hear our prayer!'"