Slightly Worried, Confused, Relieved, Proud

the sun shines brightly in the sky

above the mess of snow it has made

like a dog after vomiting on the carpet

central sensitization

When you miss the warmth of the sun,
but you are glad it is cloudy because,
after you severely overdid it the past week,
light hurts your eyes for the foreseeable future.

gutter glaciers retreating

Watched torrents
of meltwater reduce
the gutter glaciers
of winter and sat
in the sun without
my coat while a fly
staggered around
on my sleeve, which
was also unsteady
because I think we
were both a little
blissfully baffled and
drunk on spring
in February.

Guilty Pleasures

Tiny Adorable Dog cries alone
heart broken, and I take this chance
to lie on the deck without having
to inhale their cigarette smoke

why I accomplished nothing of import yesterday

exhaustion weighs, and
every day is shorter now
hammock is calling

sun dogs

I am glad these things
have names even if I won't
recall what they are

four turtles

heads stretched up
four turtles bask
on a log

walking in the sun

spring conversation

you can go very far in

just 30 minutes

Sunday afternoon, autumn

and when the wind is

not blowing I want to

stop and stand in this

sunlight recharging

storing up warmth

until I get too stiff

from cold air and 

have to move again

(Last?) warm day in November?

if the weather

gets any more

beautiful I

will have

to weep

coat walking weather

lovely sun-drenched days
perfect coat walking weather
now it is autumn

forests burning somewhere

Friday the light that fell 

from high windows cast 

an odd shade on 

corporate carpets: 

orange-ish pink.  

The sun was a large 

red-orange ball 

when it set.  

The moon (just past 

one quarter) is coppery.  

Forests somewhere 

are burning, and we 

are far enough away 

to only see the beauty 

it adds to the light.

half-finished poem/prayer dissolving into laughter in July

May the sunlight on this perfect autumn day in July
burn out the rage and the ties that bind me to it.
May the wind in the leaves rustle with relief
and blow away all my resentment and anger.
May the semi-stagnant water of this channel
 . . .

Sometimes nature hands you beauty; other times it hands you the straight line, I guess.

against the dying of the light

There is still a month of summer left

technically, but the longest day is two

months behind us, and I am half-sick

of shadows already, trying not to sulk

or rage against the dying of the light.

sunlight in April

sunlight licks the frosting off the treetops
sloppily spilling globs of snow
to shower all that is below

The trouble with nature

So.  Bugs.  Summer.  I understand that the poor things don't get to move much for about half of the year, so I understand why they would just want to crawl all over the place when they can, but why do they like crawling all over me so much? 

When I can, I bike to a park with my blanket, notebook, and books.  I spread out the blanket and plop myself down and immediately become the Most Engrossing Thing Ever to the insects and arachnids in the area.  These guys love me.  They can't get enough of me.  It's kind of crazymaking.

I imagine this is what would happen if I went to a cat show.  I am very allergic to cats, and they just love me!  I don't make eye contact and, a cat-lover explained that I am mysterious and interesting to them. 

Perhaps I need to practice making eye contact with insects and arachnids.  Do I have to make contact with all their eyes?  That could be . . . difficult. 

I just want to enjoy nature, listen to the wind and the birds, read my book, be a sun camel, try not to smell the nearly stagnant river water, avoid getting hit in the head by those kids and their soccer ball, and relax.  I want to commune with nature, dagnabbit! 

Unfortunately, nature feels the same way.  And so we commune: nature walking all over me, me swatting nature or brushing it off without killing it.  It is not exactly relaxing, but there is definitely communing.  Sigh . . . 

Sometimes, when the book is really good, I don't even notice.

A beautiful problem

On the walk back
through the parking
lots, I felt like I was

constantly
                 dodging

butterflies
apparently drunk
on sunlight, humidity, and heat.

remembering June 27th

.
today
perfectly cloudy

with sun wind
and a high of 75

every spider's web
outlined in cottonwood seeds
.

what we learned (from the EMG)

It is perhaps not surprising that when one runs electric current through nerves that are working just fine, thank you, (and sometimes overtime) said nerves twitch and transmit more pain signals for days.  (Yes, that's my excuse for nearly a week's absence of posting.)  By now, the purple marker dots where the nerves run have faded, but the bruises are still here.

So more physical therapy ahead if this new, aggressive doctor can convince OWCP that his new diagnosis is related to the original injury all those years ago.  I wish him good luck in his quest, and I really hope he has better luck than any before him.  If he does, maybe I can think that the reason why my ideal job fell through so devastatingly is because I need to be here working with this doctor because maybe he can help heal me as no one else has been able to so far. 

I seem to look for meaning in everything that happens to me once I get over the initial knee-jerk reaction, but I have such a short attention span, I usually forget before I can be disappointed if my wished for meaning doesn't come.

In other news, it's summer, and the sun came out today, so I lay outside and basked and read a book and forgot my watch, and it was a really good book, so pardon me while I go get some more aloe . . .

deceptive

sun suddenly seen
fine blowing snow scatters
bright diamond hard
still seven degrees